Week 23: Unconventional Wisdom
Someone is tapping my hand with their small, cold finger... I open my eyes slowly, and Emily says "I have to go to the bathroom". I nod and mumble something and off she goes. Why, oh why is it necessary to inform me of her bodily functions? I've told Emily over and over again that she doesn't need to tell me, but still she does, every time. I'm picturing a phone call in the middle of the night thirteen years from now, Emily's in her dorm room, "Mom, I have to go to the bathroom" ... "Yeah, okay honey, just go then".
Then five minutes later, a smaller, warmer hand is shoved into my mouth, grabs my lip and pulls. I try to move away and go back to sleep, but now the hand is poking me in the eye... I guess I better wake up.
I don't remember the last time I slept through the night, or god, even was able to blissfully sleep in on the weekend. I know, I know, I'm not complaining exactly, but I wouldn't turn down a night of uninterrupted sleep if it was offered.
There's something about becoming a parent that alters your sleep cycle. Before kids, I could sleep all night without waking at even the loudest noise. Now, my eyes snap open if Emily opens her door down the hall. A sixth sense? Maybe not, but it's definately this whole other level of awareness.
On the other hand, my level of awareness about other things is lacking. Who knew you had to pay attention to so much when your kid is in kindergarten? I didn't realize until we were driving Ian to work this morning that Emily doesn't have school today... or the rest of the week! We would have looked pretty silly up there at the bus stop today. And that's not even taking into consideration all the paperwork, permission slips, homework, reading schedules, fundraisers, and class parties. Have I talked about this before? Well I'm still shocked. I can't help but think I'm failing whatever test this is because I don't volunteer in the classroom and her homework isn't perfect. Is it just me? Why did I not know what was expected? Good god, what are other parents doing that actually work all day? It's a part time job just to keep up with Emily's school. It's so bad, I almost feel like the parent-teacher conference tomorrow is actually a report card for us. I'm just glad Ian's going.
I don't' know if my expectations are too low, but I think it's better just to let Emily be Emily. So what if she wants to draw bunny faces in the letter R that she was supposed to color? I think it's awesome that she walks to her own beat. Why squash her sense of individuallity and creativity at such a young age?
Because honestly, I'm secretly jealous of people like her that make their own path, society be damned. My brother, despite being tormented endlessly by his big sister, is also a wonderful, unique individual. He liked to draw as a child, so you know what he did? Went to art school. I will be forever jealous of his non-conventional dreams and creativity because I didn't have the guts to do it myself.
Oh, I still want to be a lawyer very much. I've never been more sure of anything. I've know it for at least four years, but I'd say I really knew when I sat down at the Portland Regional Mock Trial Competition after re-directing my witness with 26 seconds left on the clock, the adrenaline was pounding through my veins, and I thought, this is life, this is what I want to do.
But I can't say that part of me doesn't want to just write. I remember long ago I stared at a small piece of blue paper that said, "Intended Major" and wavered back and forth between English and Political Science. Do I regret choosing political science? No. But would my life be decidedly different had I gone the other way? Probably.
I'll never know what would have happened had I followed the unconventional path. But I do know I'll always encourage my kids to follow the path less traveled. And when Emily says she want's to be a "jail girl" (Corections Officer, I'm hoping, not a convict), I say good for you, for looking beyond "doctor", "teacher" or even, "lawyer".
My only hope for her, really, is that she can go to the bathroom someday without telling me.
Then five minutes later, a smaller, warmer hand is shoved into my mouth, grabs my lip and pulls. I try to move away and go back to sleep, but now the hand is poking me in the eye... I guess I better wake up.
I don't remember the last time I slept through the night, or god, even was able to blissfully sleep in on the weekend. I know, I know, I'm not complaining exactly, but I wouldn't turn down a night of uninterrupted sleep if it was offered.
There's something about becoming a parent that alters your sleep cycle. Before kids, I could sleep all night without waking at even the loudest noise. Now, my eyes snap open if Emily opens her door down the hall. A sixth sense? Maybe not, but it's definately this whole other level of awareness.
On the other hand, my level of awareness about other things is lacking. Who knew you had to pay attention to so much when your kid is in kindergarten? I didn't realize until we were driving Ian to work this morning that Emily doesn't have school today... or the rest of the week! We would have looked pretty silly up there at the bus stop today. And that's not even taking into consideration all the paperwork, permission slips, homework, reading schedules, fundraisers, and class parties. Have I talked about this before? Well I'm still shocked. I can't help but think I'm failing whatever test this is because I don't volunteer in the classroom and her homework isn't perfect. Is it just me? Why did I not know what was expected? Good god, what are other parents doing that actually work all day? It's a part time job just to keep up with Emily's school. It's so bad, I almost feel like the parent-teacher conference tomorrow is actually a report card for us. I'm just glad Ian's going.
I don't' know if my expectations are too low, but I think it's better just to let Emily be Emily. So what if she wants to draw bunny faces in the letter R that she was supposed to color? I think it's awesome that she walks to her own beat. Why squash her sense of individuallity and creativity at such a young age?
Because honestly, I'm secretly jealous of people like her that make their own path, society be damned. My brother, despite being tormented endlessly by his big sister, is also a wonderful, unique individual. He liked to draw as a child, so you know what he did? Went to art school. I will be forever jealous of his non-conventional dreams and creativity because I didn't have the guts to do it myself.
Oh, I still want to be a lawyer very much. I've never been more sure of anything. I've know it for at least four years, but I'd say I really knew when I sat down at the Portland Regional Mock Trial Competition after re-directing my witness with 26 seconds left on the clock, the adrenaline was pounding through my veins, and I thought, this is life, this is what I want to do.
But I can't say that part of me doesn't want to just write. I remember long ago I stared at a small piece of blue paper that said, "Intended Major" and wavered back and forth between English and Political Science. Do I regret choosing political science? No. But would my life be decidedly different had I gone the other way? Probably.
I'll never know what would have happened had I followed the unconventional path. But I do know I'll always encourage my kids to follow the path less traveled. And when Emily says she want's to be a "jail girl" (Corections Officer, I'm hoping, not a convict), I say good for you, for looking beyond "doctor", "teacher" or even, "lawyer".
My only hope for her, really, is that she can go to the bathroom someday without telling me.
posted by Kate @ 9:26 PM
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