Sprinting Toward the Finish

Some backward progress on the sleep front. Will now requires one of us to lie with him until he falls asleep. It’s something I don’t mind, especially after a long day and he falls right asleep after we get in some good snuggle time. But other times, after a long day, and he isn’t ready to sleep right away, it turns into a struggle with me usually leaving after a half hour of hair pulling (mine) and screaming (Will).

I swore I’d never do this again. I thought he was getting to be a good sleeper, dozing off nicely after playing for a while with Emily in their room. Now? I’m doing exactly what I swore to never do. Play bed-roulette all night, with poor Emily sleeping in the living room most nights because of all the shuffling. Not that she minds much, really, but it’s no way to enjoy an evening, you know?

Eleven more days until we can return to some sense of normalcy. Eleven more days of driving to and from work in the dark, and never seeing the kids. It’s not that I don’t enjoy my work, I do. I’m just very grateful that at least the kids are seeing one of us full time and that Will isn’t spending more time with strangers than his parents. Okay, parent.

I asked one of the other politicians in our district how his daughter is doing, she’s six months old. He said, “I’m told she’s beautiful”. It makes me question what we’re all doing, giving so much of ourselves when some days it seems all I get in return is angry phone calls and whiny volunteers. I guess, in the end, it makes you appreciate those that go into public service.

And even though this isn’t one of those crazy political blogs, I’ll politicize here for just a minute, so indulge me. When people ask the politician I mentioned above why he’s running with a six month old daughter, he says it’s because he has a six month old daughter.

And you’ll have to excuse me here, as I find it difficult to think about anything but work at this time, eleven days before the election, let alone write about anything else. I know I’m living this stuff, things most people never even think about. After November 7th, I’ll be able to focus on other things, then again, I’ll be moving on the next thing, the next campaign. I know it’s crazy to jump back into this, but it’s an opportunity of a lifetime. I’ll be running the campaign for a school bond in the district I graduated from. The bond will go toward building a new high school, and alleviating the over-crowding that has plagued the high school for over ten years. When I attended high school there, it was an era of failed back to back levies, and threats to cut all extra-curricular activities, sports, even any school dances.

After I graduated, I swore I’d never come back to this area, to the town, I felt, betrayed me, my classmates, and didn’t value us or our future.

But this is my opportunity to change that, to change the future of my town, my home. To make it possible for my kids to have a future here. So I guess that’s why I’m doing this – the crazy hours, the time away from my family, standing on an intersection at 6am waving signs like a crazy person. And I guess that’s why this post isn’t exactly off-topic.

The reason I continue to work 15 hour days, is my kids. I want to do my best to provide not only a roof over their heads, but a future for them in the kind of world I can be proud of.

Da

So, probably when you start checking your own blog to see if someone updated it yet, you start to wonder how justfied you are, keeping a blog at all.

That's almost what I feel like, some kind of imposter writing about the kids. The month of Septemeber I spent two and a half weeks sneaking out of the house before dawn and returning long after the kids had been put to bed. So what right to I have to write about my days with Will and Emily, when the days are nonexistant? You start to wonder if it's worth it to miss that much, to go days without seeing, really seeing the kids. And meanwhile I'm still leaving the office before every one else, and feeling like there's always more work to do.

But anyway.

Enough writing about not writing eh? I'm getting flashbacks of every single journal I kept in my youth, where I'd start out writing diligently, then trickle off slowly, and finally each entry would be about how I need to write more.

Will is growing more and more into a toddler every day, tantrums and all. We finally got wise and decided to put up a baby gate so he can't get into the kitchen. It was sort of one of those slap yourself on the forehead parenting moments where you just compleately miss the obvious answer to the problem. Somehow yelling at Ian in the other room to grab Will so I could open the oven safely was eaiser than just putting up a gate. Will dealt with it okay, he was pretty upset about it for a while, but he's gotten over it and moved on to other things like climbing on top of the dining room table every ten seconds, interrupted only by climbing onto my desk, the coffee table, and eyeballing the (gulp!) bookshelves. Needless to say, Ian and I are exhausted trying to keep up with that boy. Ian especially.

But while Will continues to communicate primarily with "Uhh" and "Ehhh!", he's starting to say a few more words, and can even make animal noises.

Will's vocabulary:

"DA-DA!" - by far his favorite word, he always says it with such gusto, sometimes giving Ian a sound pat on the back as he says it)

"Ma-ma" (not as much of a favorite as da-da, he even calls me da-da when I come home from work)

"Ba-Ba" - can mean baby or if accompanied by a wave, bye-bye

"Haio" - Hello or Ha - Hi

"Na-Na" - Bananna, wich is said with as much enthuasism as da-da usually

"Poo-poo" - that one's pretty obvious

"Da" - Thank you, or yes, or that, or pretty much anything he doesn't have a word for

He also says "Woof-Woof", "Meow", "Neigh", and quacks like a duck. And, since he's a baby genius, he also knows where his eyes, tounge, belly-button, hands, and feet are.

Yeah, I know, don't worry, we're working on filling out his application to Harvard right now.

Beautiful

Before tonight I would have written about standing in the backpack aisle of Target for half an hour, or how I had to pull the car over to the side of the road until Emily stopped throwing a fit so we could go to dinner.

I intended to put the kids to bed early and enjoy a quiet evening alone while Ian was out watching a movie. We’d spent all day fighting the crowds at the Mall and Target in search of the perfect backpack for Emily, well perfect in that it had to be exactly the same as the one we saw a few weeks ago but I didn’t have the foresight to buy at the time. Will was a sweaty damp, screaming mess and as I dropped my mom off at her house after dinner, I knew even she couldn’t wait to enjoy some peace and quiet. I mean, it’s not that my kids aren’t wonderful, they’re just exhausting. So, we drove past a sign for the Olalla Bluegrass Festival and I remembered two free tickets I had at home. I mentioned it to Emily and then instantly regretted it, My quiet evening!! Gone! But I thought of the kids, how they probably had a stressful day too, and how nice it would be to get outside, let out some energy, and have some fun. So I drove home, changed into some jeans and a sweatshirt, threw some pajamas on Will, grabbed my camera and the tickets and was back out the door in five minutes.

As we wandered into the festival, my expectations were pretty low, I’m not a fan of country music at all, but I do like festivals. It was just wrapping up, we got there an hour before it was over, people were starting to leave, but the band was playing, people were dancing out on the field. I spread out the blanket, sat down and expected Will to start running off in the opposite direction.

But I was surprised. Emily stood up and started dancing in the middle of the field, in front of all those people! I watched her twirl around, kick up her feet, and then she grabbed Will’s hands, pulled him up and danced with him. Will, of course, loved it. He jiggled up and down holding on to Emily’s hands and grinning from ear to ear. When each song ended they clapped politely with the rest of the crowd. I sat watching them, baffled. Could these be the same screeching children I spent the day with?

The sun began to set and the band kept playing. Emily and Will kept dancing, hugging, and laughing. For me, it didn’t matter what music was playing, though I did enjoy that as well. The kids were so much fun to watch, and Emily even got me to dance a little too.

Will made friends with an elderly woman who was dancing alone, and as the kids hugged each other so tightly they fell over, she said, “they’re so beautiful!”. And I know. I do. Their pure joy in dancing barefoot on a summer evening, it washes away the tears, the tantrums, the fighting. And what’s left? Two kids so bursting with love for life and each other that beauty radiates from their souls.

Time

Today I was catching up with some of the other blogs and online journals I read. So there I was reading along, when it dawned on me, I have a blog too! Wow. I hadn’t realized that this had been so neglected.

Maybe it’s the nature of life with a one year old. It’s not like I can sit quietly at the computer with Will asleep in my arms. Even as we speak he’s crawling all over me, trying desperately to type on the computer too. I don’t know how many times I say “William, NO!” each day… too many. It’s not that he’s into everything constantly, oh wait, it is. If he’s not climbing onto our desks, he’s pulling every pot and pan out of the cabinet, or turning the TV on (and since we actually have no TV, it just creates lovely snow), or hitting Emily, or pulling shoes out of the bench, or unplugging the clock, or, well you get the idea.

But then he’s also really, really sweet. He’s gotten a lot more interested in books, and animals. Tonight he liked reading The Busy Spider and making all the animal sounds in it. Especially “Woof Woof”, “Mau”, and “Bak Bak” (Quack Quack). Maybe in comparison to Emily I feel like he’s constantly on the move. Emily, if it were up to her, would probably read all day. Since it’s summer, we’ve been letting her stay up later than Will and she loves the quite time without him. Well, we all sort of do. But he is sleeping mostly in his own bed now. He still puts up quite a fight for about ten minutes, but then passes out, usually with an assortment of toys, blankets, and books. He’s such a pack rat at bedtime! He has to have his special blanket and Bird-O, at least, and usually also his rabbit, another blanket, his Peekabo Baby book, one of Emily’s babies, and it’s amazing there is any room left for Will in there. He’s sleeping in a toddler bed, so we skipped the crib all together, since at this point he’d probably just climb out of it and hurt himself.

But do I talk about sleeping and Will getting into things too much? Last weekend was Emily’s sixth Birthday, six wow. I still can’t get over how grown up she is, but for some reason, six wasn’t as big of a deal as five was. At five she turned into this huge kid, and now she’s still that huge kid, but she can do a few more things. Especially academically. She’s always investigating and thinking about things. She’s even beginning to think about what she wants to be when she grows up. One day she told me she wanted to be like Pat Lantz (the politician I work for) so she can be in parades. She’s also said she wants to be a teacher.

It’s also really cool that Emily notices all the political signs that are out there now, I mean, not just because everyone I work with has worked really hard to get them up, but also because she’s becoming politically aware, which, in my very biased opinion, is one of the most important things to be aware of. And I like that both the kids see that dads can be the nurturer, and I think it’s reflected in how sweet Will is. He’s always ready with a hug and a kiss. And then on the other hand, it’s a tough trade off when it’s a nice day and there’s no place I’d rather be than at the park with the kids, and instead I’m stuck in an office. Or worse, when I want to be home early to get to see the kids before bedtime and I can’t leave until after 7. I mean, it’s worth it, I’m lucky to get to do what I do, but still… I do realize that Will especially would like me to be home.

Sometimes I feel like I can’t write because I end up writing about the same things over and over, bedtime struggles, not being home enough, it gets boring. But at the end of a long day, it’s difficult to reflect on the little things like I used to. Such is the nature of parenting a toddler and now six-year-old. There just isn’t as much time to marvel at the tiny fingernails and little pursed lips. But at the end of a long week, when Emily says “I’m really glad we get to spend time together, it’s really nice”, it gives me the same feeling exactly.

Light at the End of the Tunnel

I may be coming back into the light. May be. After weeks of screaming, Will seems to have, well not stopped, but slowed down a bit (well, so long as you don't ask Ian, who still claims he screams during the day). Will seems more and more like a little boy, more independent, so maybe the screaming tantrums are part of this transitional phase. Of course this transitional phase might last two or three years.

I think part of my better outlook is that we moved Will into Emily's room. Despite some pretty strong protests from Will, he has settled in there relatively well, and even slept until 6:30 in the morning, snuggled up with Emily. It's very, very werid to not have Will with us at night, but I'm really, really liking the evening time, and the ability to fold clothes without having the piles torn down by Will faster than I can fold them.

This, combined with weaning Will has really made me feel like a regular person again. I mean, I loved Will as an infant, we had such a great time. But there's this other side to life with an infant where you sort of walk this thin line, appearing to resemble a normal person, but on the inside, you're worried about whether the baby will be able to eat where you're going, if the baby needs to nurse, sleep, will break into a crying fit, etc... Life with a toddler, while challenging in it's own way, isn't quite so much like teetering on the edge of a cliff, and you don't feel as much like an old towel, wrung out and damp all the time.

I remember feeling exactly this way with Emily at this age. We had just moved to Pullman, where I started undergraduate school, and I finally had my own life again. Is that selfish? Maybe a little, it's been so great to be out there working, doing somethng I love so much, and working with such great people. That and I do work at a job where I can incorporate the kids into what I'm doing. Last week while Emily was visiting my grandparents, Ian brought Will into my office to help out with mapping out where we were putting up signs, so while Ian and I worked on the maps, Will played with empty boxes, balloons, and wandered in and out of the other offices down the hall.

And that's exactly my point, I guess. Will's turning out to be a pretty fun kid, developing a sense of humor, and even pretends a little. It's much easier to pick up and run to the store, or take a road trip up to Bainbridge Island and play on the beach all day. I mean sure, Will still screams, and he's started to whine about everything, but seeing his developing relationships with his grandparents, Ian, and Emily, and the evolution over the last year of our family of four, makes every day a day I look forward to spending together.

Screaming Part Two: The Tantrum

There was a time when I opened Microsoft Word, along with various other programs on this computer of mine purely for pleasure.  I’d troll through websites, read about Will’s development and even lurk on message boards.  Heck, I even played games on this thing.  Now?  This is the first time in weeks that I’ve even lugged my laptop out of my bag at home.  I mean, it’s much easier to drag it back to the car in the morning if it’s already put away.  But now I spend all day staring at this screen, frustrated at why I can’t upload an excel document onto our web page, even after I’ve converted it to a pdf.  I’ve learned to do things on a computer I never dreamed, (mail merge comes to mind).  So when I come home at the end of a long day, opening up my laptop isn’t exactly on my list of priorities.  

Then there’s also the little problem that Will won’t let me near my desk for two seconds without screaming at levels only dogs can hear.  Okay that’s an exaggeration, if only dogs could hear it, the screaming wouldn’t be intolerable.  

So although Will isn’t screaming as much at night, but he certainly makes up for it the rest of the day.  I feel like someone came and stole my sweet little baby and replaced him with a little screaming tyrant.  Oh wait, there’s a word for that, toddler.  

He threw a huge tantrum today.  It’s been extremely hot the last few days, especially in my office with no air conditioning and com puters running all day.  So I took the kids down to the beach after dinner.  Well, the tide was so far in, there was about a foot and a half of beach, and you had to duck under trees just to be down on it.  But it was a little hike down there, so I figured what the heck, go nuts.  Both kids waded for a while, and Will found an enormous stick.  When it was time to go, I scooped Will up and he screamed all the way up the hill.  We stopped to look at some deer that had wandered into the park, and I swear, they just stared at Will and me in disbelief that noise like that could come out of a human.  A change out of wet clothes and some juice seemed to help his disposition, but isn’t he too young to be having tantrums about this?  Ian and I say all the time how “Will” sure fits this little guy well, he’s got a lot of it.  

But the more Will becomes independent, I’m reminded of how much I did like this age with Emily.  Despite all the screaming and tantrums, he is really becoming more of a reasonable person.  I can actually envision a year from now, you know, going out in public again.  

Did I mention that?  I think we’re going to go ahead and not go into public with Will for a while.  Especially restaurants.  Last weekend for my birthday we took a wonderful trip with my family to the ocean, luckily we had one of those hotels with a kitchen, but we did eat a few meals out, and each involved Will being carried out of the restaurant screaming, and then taking turns eating, while I at least, felt resentful for missing out on a nice meal.  But that isn’t fair to us or him.  Will’s not the problem, it’s the expectation for young toddlers to be able to sit quietly for extend periods of time.  It just isn’t going to happen.  So if that means Ian and I will be taking advantage of more babysitting, hey, I’m okay with that.  

Emily has been screaming a lot too lately, and it might be compounded by Will’s screaming, but I have even less tolerance for the fits she’s been throwing about teeth brushing of all things.  (we switched her from kid’s toothpaste to adult, because I honestly can’t imagine that blue sparkly crap actually cleans teeth) So, it’s a battle every morning and night.  

Hopefully soon the screaming will cease, and I can go back to the slightly less boring subject of how fast the kids are growing up.  Until then, buy stock in earplugs.  

Screams in the Night

A very, very, long week brought some happy news, the birth of my friend Sara’s second baby, Parker Cameron. Mom and baby are doing great and I actually got to meet Parker today at the hospital, which was wonderful after having to miss her firstborn at the hospital when we lived in Pullman. Sara seemed so relaxed and comfortable, and I was reminded so, so much of our stay with Will at the hospital just over a year ago.

Am I nostalgic? Maybe just a little. It’s not that I want another newborn, just Will as a newborn again. And I’ll admit that this might be selective memory, but weren’t things easier when he was a newborn?

All I can say now is, he’s wonderful most of the time, really, and we still lie awake at night and marvel at how perfect he is and our hearts burst open with love for this little guy. But it’s like there’s this other baby that takes over in the evening. This other baby right now, is nearly intolerable. After working at, what I think, is a fairly stressful job I come home to a tired toddler that wants to do nothing but scream for hours. Not cry, scream. This high-pitched-only-dogs-can-hear-it scream while he arches his back. You can’t rock him, snuggle him, hold him, talk to him, nothing.

I started writing this a few nights ago, after about an hour of the screaming with no end in sight. But that night as I was losing it, Ian was miraculously able to keep it together even after spending the entire day with no adult contact and a screaming Will and we talked about what we can do other than be frustrated about the screaming. We decided that Will needs more of a routine, which I knew on some level, but had let slide over the last few months since we moved, and actually, to be honest, never really had with Will since he’s been so easy-going.

So, we’re going to try to establish a good evening and bedtime routine, which is probably even more important since I’m at work now.

But it’s not really fair what I said before about Will. The last few weeks have been crazy at work, we’ve been organizing our entry in a local parade, and I had to walk in the parade with the candidates from our district. Of course I dragged the whole family along, and Will was such, such a good sport. He was clearly unimpressed with the whole thing, but was okay to sit in his stroller while Ian pushed him amongst the crowd of people yelling and clapping and waving signs. But not a peep out of Will, despite the fact that the parade started right around when his nap should have been.

And then tonight, Will only screamed for about ten minutes before passing out and actually staying asleep through the evening.

But Emily! I should really talk about her because she actually carried the banner out in front of the entire group, with another little boy, and she’s only five. I was so proud of her, she did such an amazing job, and at least one of her classmates was on the sidelines and saw her walking, which is pretty big time in kindergarten, I think.

As a parent, it’s sometimes easy to get dragged down by things like arched backs and ear piercing screams, or five year olds sulking as they brush their teeth. But then, moments like today in the parade remind me that they’re not trying to drive me insane, they’re only small, and acting like normal small people. And they’re actually some pretty great people, small or not.

One Year Old

Will is one! Our little birthday boy enjoyed celebrated his first journey around the sun with what else? Lots of cake and ice cream.

On his real birthday, May 16th, we took him to the zoo at point defiance, and while he was a little under whelmed by the animals (he’s one, a huge elephant just standing off in the distance is about as exciting as a huge rock off in the distance), he quite enjoyed an ice cream bar on the way out. After falling asleep in the car on the way home, he was pleasantly surprised with some gifts; some balls and a Big Bird toy, and he particularly liked the balls. Then he ate mass quantities of cake, followed by getting tossed fully clothed into the bathtub.

And since we like birthdays so much, we celebrated again this weekend with all of our family. Will got more presents, of course, and ate lots of cake again (of course). The highlight for everyone was Will diving into the cake while it was still on the table and shoveling it into his mouth. Hey, he knows what to do with cake.

It was a lot of fun to see our little Will so grown up, toddling around and enjoying his birthday, he’s really such a big, big kid now, it’s hard to imagine all the changes he has gone through this year.

But with everything he’s learned, I’m finally starting to remember what I love about toddlers (and that’s lucky since I hopefully won’t mind too much that he’s not a delicious little baby anymore). Don’t get me wrong, and if you’ve read this journal you know how much I have loved Will as a baby. Falling asleep in my arms, the sweet first smiles, crawling, little chubby cheeks, you get the idea… But now that he’s one, I feel like we’ve returned to some form of our former lives. Lives where we can order Will food in a restaurant, or even actually enjoy an evening without juggling a baby at the computer. (knock on wood, but the last few nights Will has actually been falling asleep at a regular time and staying asleep alone, well alone in our bed until we get there, but still)

Which leads me to Will’s other recent milestone: He ordered off a menu for himself! Well, you know, someone else did the ordering, but Will ate a kid’s entrée himself. No sharing off mom and dad’s plate, thank you very much, he’ll have the chicken strips and a side of fries. And he ate the whole thing. You might ask, do we feed the kid anything other than fried food and sugar? Well, yes we do usually, but hey, you only turn one once, right?

Also after a year, Will’s more or less weaned. It’s been sort of hard, even though it was very gradual, the last few months he’s only been nursing at night, he’s gone through some withdrawal, but overall it’s been good. It was an enjoyable experience for both of us, and I’m sad that era is over, but again, I am able to return to being a normal person with a little personal space. Well, not that I really get much personal space, he’s still quite fond of me, but it’s a little reprieve.

Not that I’m complaining, I’ll still take all the Will snuggles and Baby Kisses I can get.

Alright Alright Alright!

I could explain my lack of writing with my schedule lately, or on the fact that we’ve had such nice weather, it’s hard to stay inside to update a blog, or that we live so close to family now, who needs a blog anyway? Right? Well, this has become like my pile of clean laundry, piled so high that, my god, who wants to actually fold all that now? The weeks have gone by with no update, but I don’t have a good excuse, really, just that two weeks went by, then three, and now Will’s two days away from turning one and I have no silly stories or anecdotes to look back on from the last weeks of his babyhood.

So here are the cliff notes:

Will’s most favorite things to do:

Unplug the lights on either side of the fireplace (before a parent-type person snatches the plug and hides it).

Turn off the TV while Emily is watching a movie.

Eat.

Look at books and / or tear pages from books.

“Help” grandpa and dad (we’ve been doing a lot of painting, well not we, they’ve been doing a lot of painting, I try to stay the heck out of the way).

Being outside.

Eating some more.

Playing in the dirt and / or water, and putting them together, mud.

Drinking out of his sippy cup.

Did I mention eating?

Will has yet to find a food he really dislikes. He’s even gobbled down pickles and will eat even tomatoes and anything meaty or starchy. I think his favorite food is bananas, which he eats for breakfast. And what I mean by that is he eats bananas, plural, for breakfast. He gobbles down one banana and will usually chase it down with half of another, followed by maybe some toast or a bagel and cream cheese and a few hearty swigs of milk from his cup.

But if you saw him, you’d understand that he burns all that off in probably a few hours. He’s incredibly busy these days, walking a few steps between cruising around the furniture, climbing, tearing things apart as fast as possible. Now that I’ve started working, Ian has come to understand on a very primal level that when you’re home with the kids, it’s near impossible to do anything else! Quick, go tell the other men. However on the positive side, Ian has also been successful in getting Will to nap during the day without me, which is quite a landmark. And I don’t want to jinx this, but lately, Will has been falling asleep at night without nursing. The last few months, as Will had shown no interest in weaning (Emily pretty much self weaned at 11 months and never looked back), I had begun to worry about nursing a toddler, something I don’t see anything wrong with, but personally couldn’t do (my god, at some point, you just want your body back)

Will’s also communicating like a real person now. Added to his repertoire of words: Uh-oh, ba-ba (bye-bye), and he also shakes his head no and yes, usually in response to something he knows he shouldn’t be doing, like yesterday he crawled over to the broom, which was leaned up against the wall, and shook his head no, telling me he knew he shouldn’t touch it. But then he went ahead and grabbed it anyway. Will also shows sympathy and affection by rocking and patting his baby doll, or patting Emily and his dad on the head. He will also, and this is just about the cutest thing ever, give “baby kisses” if you ask him. He’ll plant a big open mouth kiss right on your cheek. He also blows raspberries, especially on me. He brushes his hair with a hairbrush and just now I was outside cleaning (well, hosing) off his high chair and he was scrubbing the tray with a sponge. Such a big, big boy!

Part of me forgets how old he really is, I think in my mind he’s still between 6 and 9 months old, so some of this behavior really catches me off guard. But here we are, two days away from Will’s birthday. And wow, it seems like only yesterday I was in tears as Ian and I drove to Moscow to walk in the mall, I was exhausted from false labor, and stressed thinking this baby would never be born!

But he was, I went to the hospital on May 16th with the same irregular contractions that had been going on for weeks, but by golly I was having a baby that day, and no one was going to tell me otherwise. Will arrived (again arrived is a huge omission of details I won’t go into here, see the first post) later that night at 10:28pm. Today he’s no longer our little serious mister, or our little squeaker that he was in those first few days. But he’s become a tumbling, rascal of a little boy much, much too quickly. But at least I can look back and know that not a moment was wasted, I can read the early days of this journal and know that I savored this little guy and clung onto his babyhood with two hands. Now, it’s time to enjoy Will’s toddlerhood, and I will, and I promise to remain only the tiniest bit nostalgic for the little bundle we brought home a year ago.

Toddling

The beginning of the end of the Baby Journal.  Will took a few shaky steps tonight, which I believe, necessitates a brief post to mark his soon-to-be entrance into toddler hood.  

We were watching a movie on the couch, but also watching Will “paint” with an unused mini paint roller, while he clung to the bookshelf.  Then all of a sudden, he let go, stood there for a minute, and toddled a few feet before becoming so overjoyed that he had to sit down.  

It’s amazing, the feeling of pride as a parent, in your children’s accomplishments.  When Emily reads a whole book, or wobbles briefly solo on her bike after I let go of the seat, and now, Will beginning to walk.  

Look for “Kate’s Toddler Journal” coming soon.  

Molting

When did Will get so big? He seems to be shedding his babyness by the minute, and I can see glimpses of toddlerhood just beneath the surface. Gone are the days of the toothless mouth and chubby cheeks, and they’ve been replaced with this little boy face I hardly even recognize!

All of a sudden Will had become this real little person with ideas and thoughts, it’s so awesome to just watch him interact with things. For example, anything remotely shaped like a phone, and many things that aren’t, he puts right up next to his ear and says “heeeooo”, or “haaa”. Also, last weekend I set up a little bed on the floor next to ours with his crib mattress and he just knew it was a little bed just for him, and he was so proud! (He’s slept in it a little, usually just the first few hours at night and for naps, baby steps)

Then yesterday while we were at Point Defiance feeding the ducks, Will was throwing bread at them, just like a real little kid! And, it appears that his first official word is “This” (he says dadadada too), and he points at everything and says “dis!”. So he continues to be our little curious guy, destroying everything in his path. I can’t load or unload the dishwasher without Will hearing, and then come crawling in as fast as he can to “help” (and by help I mean try to climb onto the door and pull silverware out of the rack). The other day my grandparents stopped by to give Ian a birthday present and there was a bottle of catsup on the floor, just lying there after Will had gotten it out of the fridge. My grandma said “Is that where you always keep your catsup?”. But it’s really so difficult to keep up with these kids, if only I had half their energy!

We also left Will baby for the first time to go out to dinner on Ian’s birthday. I know, it’s only been almost eleven months, how dare we! But it was nice for both us and the kids, who we left with Ian’s dad and stepmom. We got to have a wonderful dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, and the kids got doted upon, everybody wins! It was weird though, being out with Ian alone, like when we were dating. Very refreshing, and I can say that I very much enjoyed getting dressed up and have my hair done (okay, well brushed at least) and actually stay that way for more than five minutes! As soon as I start, you know, bringing actual money home, we’ll have to go out more often.

And speaking of making money, I will starting to work outside the house in a month, working as a campaign manager for a state representative. It’s something I’m so excited to do, to be involved and actually make a real difference. It’s a cliché, I know, but if I’m going to leave my kids to go work, at least I know I’ll be doing something that I feel matters.

And by the time things really start going, Will will be one year old (gasp!), and he’ll be left with Ian, who has been dying to stay home with him since he was born. And now that Will is a lot more independent and interactive, I know they’ll have a great time.


 

Now With Pictures!

I'm experimenting with programs to add pictures, so we'll see how this works. Here's Will on the beach, and yes, he's eating sand. 

Spring and Fall

The first day of spring, sun beating down and thawing joints after a long and cold winter, flowers blooming, birds singing, and Emily screaming in terror on the beach.  What may have incited such a reaction you ask?  A tiny, tiny crab.  To be more specific, a tiny, tiny, dead crab.  We’ll just say that marine biologist may not be in the cards for Emily.  

Meanwhile William sits on the sand, smashing sand between his fingers, throwing it, and ingesting only a little.  He loved the beach.  He loved pointing at the birds and the hugeness of the water.  And Emily eventually warmed up to it, sort of.  She wouldn’t touch the starfish, but was willing to let Will touch it.

These children of mine, they couldn’t be more different.  (Okay, and I’m going to write a bit about how they’re different, but keeping in mind that I’m not labeling or stereotyping, just, you know, writing down some observations, just so we’re clear)  We often joke that if we lived in the wild, Will would probably a little bit better suited for survival.  Example: We met my mom for lunch today at a Chinese restaurant, and while Emily sipped tea and white rice, William gobbled down dumplings from the soup, slurping them down as fast as he could, reminding me of how the handlers at Sea World throw fish down Shamu’s throat.  But did Will stop there?  Oh no, he shoveled rice and garlic chicken into his mouth like he hadn’t eaten in days, and I think my mom was a little worried that he hadn’t.  Finally after eating all of that, they brought out fortune cookies and oranges, and will snatched one in each hand and sucked the orange dry.  Where does it all go?  

At ten months, Emily could crawl down stairs, gingerly going backwards, feet first, and one step at a time.  Will on the other hand, still doesn’t know how to go down stairs because he refuses to do anything but go head first.  He climbs on everything from the dishwasher door to the coffee table, which climbed up on last night while it was upside down on the ottoman, he stood there, naked, hanging onto the table leg, dancing up and down and screaming with pride.  Meanwhile I hear Emily say, probably a million times a day, “WILL NO!!!”, usually as he’s doing something like scaling the desk in her room.  

In other ways, they’re pretty similar.  While Will doesn’t hate strangers as much as Emily did at this age, he’ll still give a cold stare when he’s fussed over in public.  Also they’re both big people watchers.  Put them in a store or restaurant and they’re entertained.  Will almost gets whiplash when someone walks by, and I don’t know how many times I’ve had to remind Emily not to stare.  

There’s a lot of talk about not comparing your children, and I try not to, I do.  But it’s almost impossible not to.  Emily is pretty much my only reference for children, I try though to appreciate their differences and similarities, and love them both for their fun quirks.  I love that Will reaches out and grabs life with two hands, and I love that Emily dips just her toe in to test the water.    

But speaking of grabbing life with both hands, Will has started to do a lot more with his.  He can now wave hello and point with a lot more discretion, even point at someone if you ask where they are.  And if you ask where William is, he throws both arms in the air like a referee declaring a touchdown.  And he’ll also give the biggest grin, which includes four brand new nubs of teeth on the top.  Maybe not so coincidently, he’s been a lot happier since those four teeth poked through.  You can’t really see them just yet, but they’re there.   Of course Emily is so proud of Will’s new teeth and tricks, and William just feeds off of it and shows of more.      

In the future, I hope that both of these kids can learn from each other’s strengths and weaknesses.  I hope that Emily can use her cautiousness to watch out for Will, and keep him from falling sometimes.  And with the arrival of spring, I can’t wait for the weather to get even warmer so we can enjoy more days on the beach exploring, and out in our own yard.  And maybe as Will begins to learn to walk, falling often, Emily might learn that it’s okay to fall, she’ll learn to ride that big bike of hers.   Maybe.


    

Reality Bites

We’re driving along in the car, and suddenly, BAM Mt. Rainer, pristine and white against a perfect blue sky.  Emily shouts, “Look Mom!  A Mountain!”.  

“Yeah hon, that’s Mt. Rainer”

“No, a mountain!”

“I know, Mt. Rainer”

“That mountain, right there!”

Then I figure out that I’m not explaining myself, that Emily has not been around mountains enough to know that they’re named.  I tell her it’s the mountain’s name, and finally everything is clear.  

And then I know what she’ll say next before she opens her mouth, “Mom, your dad climbed mountains, right?”.  Her only association with the mountains is also one of her only associations with my father, who passed away eleven years ago.  She knows he built the dresser in her room, that he played guitar, and that he climbed mountains.  It was difficult telling her a few years ago, when looking at old family photos, that my dad had died.  Mostly because I didn’t want her to know that not only do people die, but that people we know have died, and sometimes parents die.  

I wish I could shelter her from the harsh, cruel world forever.  I wish that’s she’ll never be picked on, singled, out, or hurt.  Already I see it happening.  A boy shouts at Emily and me, in the school’s library, “Hey, she looks like a boy!” (Emily’s hair is short).  And I fight the urge to backhand that little brat.  I choose to ignore, and he says it again, as if I hadn’t heard.  I stare at his parent, who is oblivious to her child’s behavior, and choose to say quietly, “Well, that isn’t very kind”.  Did I handle that right?  Should I have talked to his mom?  Should I have given Emily the chance to speak up for herself?  

I talked to Emily about it later, and she agreed that it wasn’t nice of the boy, and didn’t seem to be fazed.  I hope, more than anything, that Emily will always have the self confidence to let things like that roll off her back, and just be the wonderful person she wants to be, even if I have to hold my tongue as she walks out of the house with a corduroy jacked paired with stretch pants and an orange sarong wrapped around her neck like a scarf.  Although we do have to enforce wearing underwear (Emily would rather not), I’ll let going without socks slide, since I’ve never cared for the things myself.

It’s so interesting to see the kids’ personalities come out.  I’m curious to see what Emily will turn out to be.  And then there’s Will, who has just started to show his little personality more and more.  He’s started to have a bit of a temper, and gets quite indignant if we, say, close the door to the bathroom so he can’t get into the garbage or throw himself into the tub.  And then this week, when I was gone for a while, he screamed for an hour straight for poor Ian, who was already dealing with Emily, who refused to clean her room (I can dimly recall some pretty huge standoffs with my parents over my room.  I can say that now I get it, I do.  

But that’s the negative, Will has also started pointing now, which is pretty neat.  He can tell use, sort of, what he’s thinking about, or what he’s curious about, which really is everything.  The kids’ favorite new pastime is playing “cooking” which involves dragging every pot I own out of the cabinets and pounding on them for a while.  It’s a good game, and I don’t discourage it, I like to see them playing together and using their imaginations.  

Whatever their personalities turn out to be, I’m glad they’re able to just enjoy being kids, that they can just be themselves. Will, sitting on the floor, grinning up at his big sister as she waves a twisty straw in the air, and talking in her sing-song pretend voice.  

The Toof Fairy

Forget the week number, I’m going to go ahead and stop doing that. Will is 40+ weeks old, which means now, officially, he’s nine months old. He is cruising around on the furniture, babbling in real sounds, and is the fastest thing on four limbs. Well, at least he thinks he is. Now that we don’t have stairs, he chases Emily around, and comes tearing out of her room at full speed when she chases him. He’ll also stand for a few seconds like a surfer, arms straight out and legs spread apart. Then the takes a nosedive into crawling position and takes off. He says Da-da, and sort of whines something that sounds like ma-ma, when he’s cranky. If you ask him where Emily is, he’ll look around for her.

We love how he’s so involved in his surroundings, so interested in everything. Sure, most babies are I guess, but William is just so fascinated, it’s so much fun to watch. Tonight at dinner, Will shoveled beans and tamale into his face, disregarding whether it had actually made it into his mouth before grabbing the next fistful, which exemplifies how he lives life. He’s always reaching for the next thing, both literally and figuratively.

Emily is adjusting to her new school very well. I think she’s even a little ahead of this group of kids thanks to the schools in Pullman. I’m shocked at what she can read, and love reading what she has written. Emily recently lost a tooth, which flew out of her mouth while playing at Sara and Cameron’s house (or was swallowed, we’re really not sure). I told her that she could write the Tooth Fairy a note and the tooth fairy would leave her something even without the actual tooth in exchange. So Emily wrote this: “Der Toof fary, I lost mi toof, but I lost mi toof”. Seriously, stand up comedians couldn’t do any better.

And speaking of teeth, Will finally got one. I fear more are on the way, and it’s hard to believe this tiny little thing was the cause for all that pain. It’s just a little white spec on the bottom right, a little crooked, and barely cut through the gum, but it’s there. My big, big boy! I can’t believe he’ll never have that perfect baby grin again. But we’re all proud of him, especially Emily, who just saw his little tooth for the first time today in the bathtub while he was playing with her, standing on the edge, trying to topple headfirst into the tub with her. “I saw his tooth!” she shouted, then she went on and on to Will saying, “Is that your first tooth?! What a nice tooth!”. And he just kept grinning and grinning, showing it off.

On the other hand, Emily is beginning to realize that little brothers can also be a bit of a nuisance. We finally plugged our DVD player into the TV in the living room, and Emily was trying to watch something as will stood in front of the TV, batting it and screaming. It’s nice that she’s polite about it most of the time, saying, “Will, I can’t see, can you please move?” But she also gets frustrated. We were in the car yesterday listening to Jack Johnson on the Curious George soundtrack on the way back from the zoo. Will had had enough and was crying and screaming in the backseat, and Emily being uncharacteristically insensitive, said, “Will, can you be quiet? I can’t hear the music”. But I don’t think she thought she was being mean, I think she was just stating a fact. She’s such a caring person, I’m just so surprised when she says or does something even a little bit unkind.

Luckily times like that are rare, and more often than not, Emily is a very good friend to Will. I’m just glad two of my favorite people enjoy each other so much.

Week 37: Hush Little Baby

After a very hectic few weeks filled with packing and moving, I think things have finally settled down.  At least for us adults anyway.  Between Emily starting at a new school, being sick, and Will teething (for real this time, I can actually feel a tooth) and also being sick, it’s been a bit emotional around here.  After being so exhausted from unpacking and whatnot we passed out quickly in our bed, but all of a sudden it seems not quite right.  The sheets won’t stay tucked, the mattress didn’t get put on right, Will’s been waking up almost every half hour, and it’s getting a little, um, crowded.  Solutions?  Ian says he’s had to move the crib twice and not seen it used yet, so maybe it’s time.  And I don’t disagree, I just am not sure if I’m ready to start the bedtime battles after almost nine months of blissfully sleeping cuddled up together.  Plus there’s the whole trouble of not being able to marvel at how wonderful Will is, and how angelic he looks when he’s asleep if he’s passed out in another room.  And I’d hate to wake him up just to tell him how perfect he is.  Did you ever do that?  You spend what seems like hours getting the baby to sleep, but then finally, there they are, blissfully dreaming in your arms, with their little lips pursed together, still sucking away in their sleep, and as you stroke their little fingers and all but burst open with love, you almost, just for a second, want to wake the little babe up just to have one more minute of babyness before all of it slips through your fingers.    

So anyway, to get back on the subject of us not sleeping, we’re giving it a little more time, since the poor guy is teething, this waking up thing might be temporary.  But he is getting to be quite a large little person, so we’ll see what sleeping arrangements we can come up with.  I do feel a greater sense of calm than I did when Emily was this age and thought she would never learn to fall asleep on her own or sleep in her own bed at night.  It does happen, eventually they all do it.  

Emily and I have been reading the Little House series, and sometimes I wish we lived back when things were simpler and after the baby was done sleeping in the parents bed, they moved on to share beds with their siblings.  Maybe it seems weird in today’s world, but really, if you think about, most adults at least have a dog to cuddle up with at night, why to we expect children to be isolated all night long?   At times, other parts of those pioneer days seem appealing… such as the whole children being seen and not heard and not contradicting your parents, a novel concept indeed!  But even though even a day where I didn’t have to deal with whining about how long Emily got to play outside or whether the mittens are itchy and the shirt is too tight would be a vacation.  I think I’ll take all of that over having to deal with things like no running water.  And a baby with no running water… or disposable diapers (shudder).  On second thought, I’d take Emily’s constant monologue and even William’s high pitched scream over that any day.  
  

A Quick Note

Hi there, just wanted to update you all. We just got our internet hooked up today, so I'm quickly posting the blogs I had saved in Word. I've sort of lost track of the week number, so if it seems like I missed one, I probably did.

Thanks for reading!
Kate

Week 36: Homecoming

Moving is a lot like childbirth. You forget how much it sucks until it’s waaay too late, and there’s nothing to do but go through with it.

All that talk about how far along I was with packing was just that, talk. Sure a whole lot of boxes stacked in the dining room looks impressive, but when it comes down to it, if you have way more stuff than will fit in the dining room, and you pull up with a moving truck that you wrongly, but optimistically hope will fit all your stuff, and in the end your family, who is very kind to come help your moving-impaired self, ends up throwing coats, still on the hangers into plastic garbage bags and into the trailer which you had to rent in addition to the moving truck, which is double parked because we can’t back it into a parking spot, all that progress you thought you had made the week before really boils down to not a whole lot. Heh, so yeah to reiterate my first statement, moving sucks.

Thankfully, we are now in our new house, surrounded by lovely trees and wonderful friends and family, and maybe, in the future, moving will seem like it was worth it. Maybe.

I’m kidding of course, we’re ecstatic to be here. And like I said, just like childbirth, it’s horrible while you’re suffering through it, but the end result is absolutely worth it. Next time we move though, hopefully we’ll be able to afford movers, because after this last move, I can say, it’s well worth the price.

The kids seem to be adjusting well. Will is happy as long as he has his little spot in bed between us, so at least we’ve spared him from being afraid waking up in a strange room. Honestly, we were all so stressed just before the move that this feels like a vacation.

It’s wonderful to live so close to family and friends, have I mentioned that? Probably, but it is. Emily has been able to run around with Evan, who is about eight months older than Will, and I’m sure soon enough Will will be tagging along with the big kids.

In all, the move could have been better, but it could have been worse. We’re all here together, and as I drive around, it feels like after being away for four and a half years, I’ve come home.

Week 35: Moving On Up

So for some reason, I’m having trouble keeping the blog updated with all the packing going on.  Shocking, I know.  It’s getting pretty crazy here, throwing things into boxes, and resisting the urge to clean out and get rid of stuff while I pack.  Probably that’s what has overwhelmed me about packing, thinking Oh, all the CDs must go together in the same box and feeling like I have to go around collecting everything in the same category in order to put it in a box.  But here’s a revelation I had, everything ends up in the same place anyway!  So yeah, I’m still donating a lot of old clothes we don’t wear anymore, but really, just having things in boxes is all that matters.  

Luckily Will is the perfect age for moving, if there is one.  He’s not old enough to be into everything, but he’s able to entertain himself happily on the floor without needing to be held.  I set a box of electronics on the floor, camera parts, ac adapters, and Will thought he was in heaven.  Well, until he actually got a hold of the box and I took it away.  

Meanwhile Emily is dying to help, if by help she means wave around the huge tape dispenser and sharpie, saying, “Let meeeee do iiiit!”.  I’m trying to imagine what this move is like for her.  She’s been having trouble sleeping lately, so as a child that would lie for hours in my bed in the dark, head filled with worries and not being able to turn my brain off, I empathize, I do.  I’ve been letting her stay up and play her leap pad or read, it’s silly to expect her to just lie there and stress about whatever it is that kindergartners worry about.  As excited as she is about moving closer to family, and getting a new house with a yard, all she’s ever known is in Pullman.  Her whole world is her little school, friends, and this house.  

Am I talking too much about moving?  Probably.  Just one more thing, I promise.  Sara, who has been my best friend since we were eight, is moving across the street, well, actually parking lot, I guess, from where we are moving in, get this the same weekend we are moving!  I am so excited.  Ian and I were introduced through them, and their son, Evan, is just eight months older than Will.  It’s going to be so much fun to have friends that close after being so isolated over here for the past year and a half.  Okay, that’s it, I’ll not mention moving again.  Probably until my next post.  

Now I know I’ve probably said it before, but Will is right now at the pinnacle of baby cuteness.  He still has no teeth, and as he smiles that big baby grin, drool pours out of his mouth like someone turned on a faucet in there.  I especially love when he wakes up in the morning, hair sticking up everywhere, cheeks rosy from sleep, still a little sleep and happy to snuggle, and he’s so thrilled to wake up between us, his favorite people.  Will has also become more independent, and in the evening has been crawling down the hall to play with Emily in her room.  I don’t know exactly what they do in there, but every time I check in, William is sitting happily on the floor, playing with something pretty girly, like a dress up hat with purple sparkles and feathers, so I just let them be.  Especially now that almost everything in Emily’s room is packed except for her bed, a few books, and a box of dress up clothes.  

Mostly I like that these kids have a relationship, that they genuinely like each other’s company.  Yesterday at the park they sat together on the merry-go-round, or whatever the spinning metal wheel of a deathtrap from the 1960’s is called, their little bodies holding on to each other comfortably, grinning from ear to ear as I spun them around.  All I could think was that right there was my entire world, all we can ever aspire to, all we can leave behind; caring, secure, happy children.      

Week 34: The Sound of One Hand Clapping

Will has finally learned to actively play his favorite games, pat-a-cake.  He can clap his hands together happily, yet still with very little control, often forgetting that the other hand is lodged in his mouth, and ends up smacking himself in the face.  But he is very proud of himself, as he should be.  

Another milestone, surely to make Behind the Music if he ever becomes a famous musician, Will can play Emily’s little wooden recorder.  I’m sure in twenty years, we’ll be sitting on that couch being interviewed, shrugging smugly, saying, “Well, we could tell from an early age that he had a talent for music”.  But he likes having the power to create such a fun response, as we fall over ourselves applauding and praising him.  

Will also started to attempt dancing.  A little dog he got for Christmas sings when you press its hand, and Will hangs on to the coffee table, squatting down and standing up.  It’s about as rhythmic as Steve Martin in The Jerk, but it’s a start.  

On other normal baby milestones… he seems to have forgotten to do.  Say, things like, teething.  Will is eight months old, and no tooth in sight.  But I have to admit, hanging on to that sweet little toothless baby grin a little longer is just fine with me.  Besides, he does just fine eating all kinds of real people food.  His favorites seem to be bread, toast, rice, cheese, squash, and scrambled egg yoke.  He’s also quite proud of himself for eating, and as Will was eating breakfast, he waved his toast around at Ian, as if to say, “Hey look at this!  No more nasty gruel for me, thank you very much”.  

Hands down, my favorite thing about this age is how amazed Will is with everything.  He sits in the bath tub, splashes the water up in his face, experiencing the wetness, yelling to hear his own voice echo, and gazing up at the shower head, which must seem so, so high up there to him.  When I take him to the store, he sits quietly in the cart and stares up at the lights, amazed at the brightness and color.  I see a lot of babies crying in the store, but I love how interested and alert Will always is.  Sure, he’s not the friendliest baby to strangers, usually when people smile and fuss over him, he just stares blankly back.  Secretly, I like this, he saves all his best smiles for his favorite people.  

But now that he’s singled out his favorite people, he’s had the onset of Seperation Anxiety.  If I merely step over the baby gate blocking our bedroom doorway, to, god forbid, use the bathroom, he crawls over, pulls himself up on the gate and wails morosely.  Mostly, if he’s not exploring, he wants to be held, which is nothing new.  I just need to invest in a larger sling for the poor guy, and poor me.  The one we had was great, but it now doesn’t support his weight well, and digs into my shoulder and his legs.  

But, I do have to admit that while all these milestones are exciting, there is one thing Will does that I could definitely do without.  Have you ever seen that episode of The Simpsons with the screaming caterpillar?  If you haven’t, well this is probably totally lost on you, but it’s all I can think of when Will starts this high pitched scream, which can mean any number of things from “put me to sleep this second” to “I want what you’re eating”.  

As for the rest of us, we’re pretty overwhelmed about the move.  Excited, but overwhelmed.  Emily keeps forgetting that she’ll have a new school with new friends in just a few short weeks, and the poor kid starts to miss the friends she has, of course.  I’m completely not looking forward to packing, and running out of time for procrastinating.  Ian finally got to quit his job, so he’s very happy.  And luckily he’ll be home the week before we move to help with packing.  I just can’t believe the amount of stuff we’ve accumulated over the last four and a half years.  Just cross your fingers for the rain to stop so we can get some non-soggy boxes for packing.        

So as a P.S. to this blog entry, I’m doing my best to keep up the blog, I’ve had these last two posts half written in Word documents the last two weeks.  So, I’ll try to keep them coming, and check back soon I should have more written for week 35 shortly.  Thanks for reading!

Week 33: Out with the Old, In with the New

I know that it’s pretty much assumed that when you become parents that you also become totally lame. We spent New Year’s Eve, sitting on the floor, eating chocolate moose, drinking champagne, and watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith. It’s a pretty stark difference from that first New Years, the fateful night when Ian was shyly sitting next to me as we played “moose” (the drinking game, not the chocolate dessert, but now that I think about it, I’m noticing a theme here).

But like I said, who knew you really become that lame after kids. Luckily, and this is a secret, so hopefully not too many people know about this whole blog thing, a night at home with half a beer, kids at least sort of asleep, and a video game (pauses to push glasses up the bridge of my nose) is my idea of a fun night. It’s also definitely Ian’s idea of a fun night, so I guess we’re a good match. Who knew all those years ago, that we’d be here, together, hunched over our computers, laughing at the Chasing Amy commentary, giggling over midnight snacks, and marveling at these amazing kids of ours.

It’s a cliché, I know, but I can’t believe its 2006 already. I guess New Year’s always brings out one’s reflective side, but I can’t believe how fast the last five years have gone by. Looking back over the pictures of Emily, just a pink cheeked toddler when we moved here, standing in our old apartment in disbelief that we could have moved somewhere that hot. Emily and her little friend Maddie sitting in the stands at their first, and only, Cougar football game, sipping juiceboxes alongside the freshmen sneaking vodka into their cranberry juice. Living in this town has been an experience, and in a lot of ways I’ll not be sad to leave, but as happy as I am to be moving closer to our families, the last four years here have been filled with the happy memories of Ian, Emily, and now, Will. I’m not going to miss going to the grocery store on Friday evening and seeing college guys loading up carts full with Busch Ice. I am going to miss the green, green hills against the blue sky in the springtime, and sitting in a park on the first warm day of the year, eating Hero’s subs, and watching Emily run around on the toys. I’ll miss driving by the hospital where Will was born, and remembering all the times I drove by before he was born, thinking, wondering what this unborn baby will be like. I’ll miss the calm silence of real snow, but I won’t miss the constant wind that made me so furious when I was huge and pregnant walking home from class. I won’t miss the dust, or the constant noise of the highway just down the hill. I really, really will not miss the six hour drive to visit our family.

But I’m so excited to start a new life, going back to what is really home for us. I’m looking forward to making all kinds of new memories. Going hiking in the Olympics, searching for crabs on the rocky beaches of the Puget Sound, riding the ferry, all the things Ian and I grew up with.

Because I guess, that’s what life is, a series of memories, different eras coming together. We’re about to embark on a journey, but whatever this new year brings, I’m glad my life is so rich with love and family.

Happy New Year.

Week 32: Baby's First Christmas

Baby’s first Christmas and older sibling’s sixth Christmas, wow, time flies.  It seems like not too long ago it was Emily’s first Christmas and she got the infamous exersaucer that has been very well loved by her brother.  A year ago I was trying to imagine what it would be like with our gender-still-unknown little guy crawling around under the Christmas Tree.  Now, I’m trying to imagine how I’ll cope with Will walking and grabbing everything in sight next year.  

Christmas was great, the kids had a wonderful time, and Emily couldn’t believe her luck that Santa would visit both her grandparent’s houses.  Santa brought her the little barking dog that she asked for, and since Will has been such a good boy this year, he also got some Legos from Santa.  

For Ian and me, Christmas was a bit difficult since we’re moving back to the west side of the state in a few short weeks, we really weren’t looking forward to the last drive back to Pullman.  Knowing next year we’ll be spending Christmas in our own house, without having to drive six ours to be with our family, with our own tree and fireplace for Santa to come down, it just made it hard to get into the spirit.  But it was great to see everyone, we even got to have dinner with some friends (Yes, we have friends!).  And the kids got some great toys – Will was at times, a bit overwhelmed by everything, but Emily was an old pro, unwrapping, saying thank you, and showing the correct amount of appreciation.  I’m kidding of course.  But both kids were great, filled with the wonder and joy of Christmas, which is really all I could want.  

Ian and I finally found the little “barking, not a real dog” at the Tacoma Mall, the night before Christmas Eve, as we were leaving, at one of those cheesy little booths in the middle of the mall.  We were racing to grab some pretzels before fighting our way out of the Mall parking lot, when Ian spotted the little dog, “There!  There is one!” And seriously, after searching Toys ‘R Us, Target, Radio Shack, Fry’s Electronics, and the entire Tacoma Mall, which by the way, does not have a proper toy store in it, we has resigned ourselves to having to spend the next day, Christmas Eve, Shopping for the dog.  So, perhaps it was a Christmas Miracle?  I don’t know, but next year I’ll not take for granted that I’ll be able to find what Emily asks Santa to bring her.    


In the end, we left about half of our gifts at my mom’s house, not wanting to pack them all to take to Pullman, only to have to pack them again and bring them back.  So it will be like Christmas again in a few weeks.  However, even after leaving half of the gifts, our car was still bursting with presents on the ride home.  So, in a just a few weeks we’ll be over on the good side of the state, and we couldn’t be more excited.  To be closer to our families is really the best present we could get.  

Week 31: Merry X-Mas

Ways to tell you live with a five year old:

1. The noise level is a constant 10 decibels (really, I don’t know how to measure sound, but it’s loud, very very loud)


2. There is a layer of cracker crumbs on the carpet at all times


3. On top of the layer of cracker crumbs is small pieces of paper cut into tiny bits


4. You hear the phrase “I’m bored” ten times a day


5. You know exactly what the other five year olds in the neighborhood want for Christmas (since, of course that’s what your five-year-old happens to want)


6. X-rated Christmas cookies

What? That last one seems a little odd? I started the weekend on Friday, making gingerbread for Christmas cookie decorating with some neighbor kids, and since I was expecting them to take a lot home, I doubled the recipe. An entire bottle of molasses and overnight refrigeration later, I had a bowl full of goop that more closely resembled something found in Will’s diaper than cookie batter. Let alone cookie batter you can roll out and cut shapes from. So, I start adding flour, and more flour, and finally it gets to a consistency that you could feasibly cut shapes out of, so we begin rolling out the dough. Saturday morning was almost entirely spent rotating cookie sheets out of the oven, and the result was my turkey platter piled with several dozens of cookies.

No big deal right? Well, the company we were planning on having, couldn’t stay long and ended up only taking two cookies home. So, the rest of the weekend was spent decorating cookies on and off, with Emily getting, a little creative. She comes upstairs eating a gingerbread bear, with a few untraditional parts frosted on. She then narrates exactly what she’s eating.

I’ve said before that I want her to have a healthy view of the human body, but is this normal? I don’t know.

Anyway, needless to say you all are getting Christmas cookies as gifts, and if you get a “special” one, well, I guess you win. I promise, though, regardless of what’s on them, they are quite tasty.

And speaking of tasty, Will seems to have aquired a taste for people food. He will still devour a jar of baby food, but he really prefers things like baby toast, bananas, cheese, and homemade sweet potatoes. It could be because he’s seven moths old now! I can’t believe how huge he is. He’s really crawling up on his hands and knees, and he can sit on his knees, balancing for a few moments before toppling over.
Will is even making steps toward real communication. He will play a little game with you if you blow a raspberry, he will imitate it back at you, and on and on. He was even able to keep it up with Emily and me as we all took turns. He’s so curious and is so much fun, I can’t wait to see what he has to say about the world.

Week 30: Christmas Wishes

Emily sat in Santa’s lap for the first time since she was about Will’s age last weekend. Actually, Will did too, and I’ll be curious to see how the picture turns out with Emily’s deer-caught-in-headlights look and Will staring at Santa in disbelief. It’s better than the alternative, I’m sure, both kids crying.

There is something very un-special about Santa in the mall though. Seems so pedestrian, like Santa has nothing better to do this time of year than sit around the mall in Moscow. I guess I feel that way because I probably stopped believing in Santa when a Mall Santa asked me if I wanted a Vanilla Ice tape for Christmas.

Emily wants, “not an alive dog, a white dog with pink stripes that barks”. Hurray for commercials. Last year she wanted a CD player, which was great, she still uses it almost every day. But some cheap, cheesy toy dog? Elf sweatshop comes to mind…

But I’m sure I asked for, and received, many bad gifts in my day. I vaguely remember one year I got the She-Ra Castle, the pinnacle of eighties awesomeness. My poor parents.

But I don’t know what William wants from Santa. A big plastic spoon and a tangerine? Those seem to be his favorite toys at the moment. If he really could say, he’s probably want a magazine so he could rip it apart and shove small pieces of paper in his mouth as fast as possible, or some kind of electrical wiring. He’s totally compulsive about wanting things he absolutely cannot have. I’ve mentioned it before, but this kid, let him loose on the floor in our bedroom and he’s at Ian’s feet trying to get at the printer. And it’s not like he’s lacking in the toy department, he just finds them totally boring.

Yesterday I got out our “play yard” (which in my opinion is erring on the side of too politically correct, let’s call it what it is, a cage for babies), so Will could be contained for a few minutes while I got some things done. I tend to be of the belief that good baby proofing can replace the need for baby containment devices, but with our impending move and Christmas, it’s just good for my peace of mind. Will seemed to like the play yard for about five minutes, when he thought it was a pretty cool baby fort. However, he quickly realized that it severely inhibited his mobility (aha! It’s intended purpose!) and decided he wanted out. Life’s cruel joke for him at the moment is that he learned to pull up this weekend, but is still a bit too short to actually reach a lot of things he could safely pull up on.

Will has such big goals for such a little person, and I can see it frustrates him that he can’t do everything he wants. Foreshadowing to some epic toddler showdowns? Perhaps. I remember when Emily was small, thinking that as soon as she was mobile she would be happier, then as soon as she could talk. It’s true, in a way. But it’s true in the same way that you don’t magically wake up in the second trimester of pregnancy feeling great again.

Looking back, I’d say the theme of this journal has been that I can’t believe how fast these kids grow up, but for Will I’d say it’s probably not fast enough. When Will was two weeks old, Sara and Cameron visited us with their baby, Evan, who was about the same age Will is right now. Evan seemed like such a big chunk of baby then, and I can’t believe that Will is that size now. He’s so determined and opinionated, I think if he could really have his way, he’d ask for a map for Christmas, so he could start charting his future explorations and conquests.

Week 29: Grown Up Teeth

Emily is now officially a big kid. She lost her first tooth this week, after discovering it was loose over the Thanksgiving holiday. It is, however, also an illustration of the inner conflict going on in these little kindergartners. Emily proudly shows anyone, even strangers, her loose toooth, and the now empty space with a suprisingly large grown up tooth already sprouting up. It was such a huge milestone for her! But at the same time, she comes down the stairs yesterday with her eyes filled with tears, on the verge of a major breakdown, about how she misses her tooth. Turns out she's having a little seller's remorse after exchanging the tooth for a really cool fifty cent piece. She even put her fifty cent piece under her pillow last night in the hopes that the Tooth Fairy would return the tooth.

But she seems to have forgotten about the tooth for the moment, which is good. The last thing I want is her dragging around a rejected body part (of course, also, since it's Emily, losing said body part since it is about the size of, well something very very small).

Milestones galore around here, Will is a real crawler now, up on his hands and knees. For some reason he did do this milestone in reverse order from sitting, and he now goes from crawling into a sitting positoin, but never for too long. He is also not satisfied with these achievements, obviously, since he has now set his sights on climbing. It seems weird to see such a small person doing all these things, but he has a big heart, which probably makes up for his size.

While part of me wishes so much that he would just stay small, I know too well how quickly they go from fitting snugly and perfectly in your arms to a leggy monkey that is more than half your height. But the older Will gets, the more I can appreciate his wonderful, sweet personality. I especially enjoy his sense of humor, and how new and exciting everything is for these new people. Watching Emily sled outside with Will in the sling, he flapped his arms and chuckled at the snow, Emily flying down the hill on her sled, and all of it.

These kids, how they throw themselves at life, it's amazing. They give every day their all, without dwelling on the past or future. I only wish I can learn from them and remember these moments instead of the stress of this transitional time in our lives. Just yesterday at the bus stop, one of the kindergarteners getting off the bus said she couldn't wait to be a grown up. My first thought was, enjoy being a kid, being a grown up sucks, believe me. But I guess that isn't true. As a grown up, I get to see Emily, filled with wonder that an actual fairy came into her room while she was sleeping. I just have to remember to be more like a kid and appreciate the small pleasures of life. The weight of Will's tiny self in my arms, even as I type this, Emily's rosy cheeks when she comes in from outside, these memories from the harder years with small children are what I'll think of long after Will is tossing his own kids up in the air, and Emily becomes the genuine and caring woman I know she will be. Someday, I know I'll give anything to be here, right at this moment.

Week 28: Thanks Again

I know, I know, a week behind, so apologies all around to my fans. Do expect another post very shortly to catch up!

Will caught his first cold while we were on the "good" side of the state visiting family over the holiday. So all of last week was spent taking care of poor Will, who really didn't understand why he felt like hell all of a sudden. He woke up by the hour, screaming because he couldn't breathe, and ran a fever of 101.4, which is high enough to panic a parent, but is also called "low grade" by the doctor. It's just so hard to watch our little guy suffer, knowing he doesn't understand, with very little we can do to help.

He's feeling better now, thanks to a few good nights of sleep this weekend. Back to our cheerful, happy little explorer.

And since Will is really starting to get mobile, what would be a better time than now to bring out Christmas decorations! After a few years of Emily being somewhat trustworthy not to tear down the tree, many of our decorations are made out of glass. And hung up by little metal hooks, which magically find their way onto the floor, inches away from wher Will is cramming anytihing within reach into his mouth. But I can't help it, I love Christmas decorations, especially Christmas trees, which we have three of. Well, three two foot tall plastic trees, which I guss adds up to one six foot tree, which is what I really want. But Will loves looking at all the lights, and I love how cozy it makes the house feel.

And it's even looking quite a lot like Christmas outside. We got several inches of snow last week, more than we've seen in a few years. Emily's been out sledding as much as she can, or simply just lying in the snow, she loves it.

Though being trapped in the house does seem to compound the isolation we already feel in Pullman. On one hand it's so cozy and nice to all be here together, eating popcorn and drinking hot chocolate, on the other, I go days without face to face contact with someone other than my immediate family. It's a darn good think I like Ian so much, or I might go crazy.

But since it's that time of year, I'm thankful for so many things. Friends and family, we'll be soon seeing much more of. I'm thankful for the snow, reminding to enjoy it, since it will be our last winter over here. I'm thankful for these delightful, quirky, healthy children, that I am lucky enought to be related to. I'm thankful, also, for Ian, who I probably don't mention enough in this journal. He goes to work every day, enabling me to spend this precious short time with Will, he's my biggest supporter, offering encouragement when I've been having trouble keeping myself motivated to for law school applications, he is a wonderful father, friend, and the most genuine person I know, and for that I'm thankful, I couldn't ask for a better companion on our little island out here on the Palouse.

Week 27: Roller Coaster of Love

There are a lot of things you're prepared for, entering parenthood. The diapers, the mess, the kisses, the wonder of it all. But one thing I wasn't prepared for, and will never get used to; the emotional rollercoaster that crashes through our house everyday.

I wake up and find myself strapped into a never ending ride of highs and lows and everthing in between. I ask Emily to clean her room after lunch, and we begin to ascend up the first hill... you feel the jerky click, click, click. "But I don't waaaaant to, it will take fooooreeever!" click, click, click. "Emily if you keep arguing, then no TV tomorrow" click, click, click... then as Emily stomps off to her room sobbing and we fly down the first hill at top speed down, down, down...

Realize, too, that I skipped the ten more minutes of threats and resistance as Emily knows that since Will is asleep in my arms, my threats are pretty worthless.

But later, without fail, Emily will announce that "this is the best day in my life". And really, I so admire her courage and optimism. I know, as I curse as the pots stacked by the sink fall to the floor, that usually I focus too much on the negative. What if we all said this, this moment, is the best in their life, wow, what a way to live. Really.

The rollercoaster continues though, highs and lows. Will's new trick, high piched screaming while I slap together some tuna between two pieces of bread, not so much a high point. But Emily playing peekaboo with Will while he crawled around on the living room floor diaperless and his perfect baby laugh? Does it get any higher than that?

Week 26: Not Even the Trees

So, I'm questioning my ability to succeed in law school. Within one week, I have gone into a grocery store, done all my shopping, proceeded to the check out, only to discover that I've left my purse in the car. Twice.

The worst part? Calling the thing that I lug around a purse is being pretty generous. On its best days, it is a huge, black, bottomless pit, and on its worst, it's a huge, black, bottomless pit, overflowing with diapers, blankets, toys, hats, and god knows what else.

My point? My bag is something you should notice you're missing. Should.

But enough about my absent mindedness! This is called Kate's Baby Journal, not Kate's, I'd-forget-my-left-arm-if-it-wasn't-attached, Journal. So, back to the subject everyone cares about; the baby.

Poor Will got five shots yesterday. The part I felt the worst about? He actually stopped crying between each shot, only to get stabbed in the leg again. Such a brave guy! But I felt like such a meanie, signing him up for a flu shot on top of everything else. Well, I figured it was better to do it all at once when he's already upset, rather than make a trip back to the doctor's office for more fun with needles. But again, there's not much to report, other than that Will is absolutely perfect in every way. He weighs 19.8lbs and is 27 inches tall. Apparently, he's slowed down in the weight gain, only 88 percentile, wich is normal for breastfed babies. It also might be due to the fact that Will is on the move constantly now. And of course, he's into everything, and after everything that falls into the category of not a baby toy. Computer mouse, camera case, remote control, water bottles, cooking spoons, and the bottle of baby tylenol, are a few of his favorite things to get into.

So, this is my request to toy companies. Forget Elmo. Forget the bright colors, forget rattles. Please, please just make a toy that is realistic and looks like a baby could electrocute themesleves with it. That's what they want. Really. Give a baby a nice, safe teething ring, and where does it go? Straight to the floor. Now, hand him your cell phone, and he'll examine that thing for hours. Okay well, not hours, but minutes, maybe even several minutes.

So, we went to the store to pick out a baby gate for the top of the stairs, and stood there, overwhelmed by the different kinds of gates, materials, and methods of doing what I thought should be simple en0ugh. We left with what seemed like a good choice, only to bring it home and discover that the wall slants out, and leaves a good two inches gap between the upper bumper of the gate and the wall. Then I figure that we can instead put the gate in the doorway just to the right of the top of the stairs, still allowing free movement through the upstairs without allowing access to the stairs themselves. No again. Although the wall seems to be straight at this spot, the gate itself is a few inches too small for the space. So, we've resigned to putting the gate in the doorway to our bedroom, since that's where Will hangs out mostly anyway. But who knew such a simple task would turn out to be such a problem? I can't wait to live on one floor again.

So yes, in a few short months we'll be living back on the west side of the state, after a long five years over in Pullman. It's bittersweet for me, though I'm so excited to live closer to our friends and family. It really does seem like just yesterday that I moved over here with Emily, only 13 months old. Pullman itself is a wonderful town, with many shops and things to do with kids, and so many parks. But we've outgrown it, and living not only just feet away from the university, but also in university housing has worn on us the past few months. We want to get into our own place, where we can paint the walls, have all of our living room furniture in, the living room (right now it's spread between the dining room and living room, each too small to fit both a couch and a chair), and actually have space outside, away from noisy neighbors. Well, we're moving into a duplex, so don't know about that last one, but still. We're going to have an actual yard. With trees. Coming from Western Washington, the lack of both trees and water over here is very unsettling.

But the best part, really, is being closer to the kids' grandparents, who miss them so much. Well, that and Ian and I might be able to go out alone once in a while. We'll see though, remember we're the same people who sleep in the same bed as Will because if he was all the way down the hall in his room all night, "we'd miss him too much".

Week 25: Wonder Baby

I'm driving to Moscow, eight miles down the road, to do a little grocery shopping. Emily's at school, so Will's in the backseat alone. Suddenly, I hear the distinct sound of a toy hitting and rolling across the floor in the backseat. I'm not even kidding, but instinct takes over, and my arm shoots behind my seat in search of the lost toy.

It's strange to me how much I've just picked up where I left off with Emily. From the first night in the hospital with Will, snuggled up in the bed with me, everything has been very much like, well, like riding a bike. It's probably that way for most second-time parents, but it just suprises me in funny ways. It also suprises me at how easily Will has been incoporated into our lives. The other day, as I nursed Will to sleep in my arms while typing away at the computer, Ian joked that Will probably thought the computer was his brother. And while I'm not saying that isn't true, it does illustrate quite nicely how Will has found his niche in our lives.

Of course, having a baby at home isn't all peace and tranquility. Up until this point, Will has been a great sleeper. Emphasis there on has been. He's still a pretty good sleeper, when he's asleep, but lately Will has been waking up about an hour after he falls asleep, supposedly for the night, and having a Will party for a few hours. Well, not exactly a party, since he's been pretty angry about the world during those hours, it's been pretty hard on both Ian and me. Sunday night he woke up around 10pm and didn't doze back off again for any substantial amount of time until 2am. And in addition to being awake, which is bad enough for tired parents, Will also would tolerate nothing but being rocked while standing (note to self: swaying back and forth while sitting in bed does not count, as much as I wished it would).

So, the reason for all this misery? We don't know. Could be teething, could be gas, could be constipation... we're really just baffled. Will hasn't wanted to nurse during these night wakings, which is frusterating not only because it's the best way to get Will calm and on the way to sleeping, but also because I can usually get in some sleep at the same time!

My best guess is that he's teething, since when we poured some tylenol into him, and the situation improved. And last night, even though Will did wake up, was much better. There are no teeth sprouting up yet though, so I'm not getting too optimistic.

Another reason Will might be waking up at night is that he's learned a new trick (and we can't help but cave into the cuteness). Okay now, if I hadn't heard it myself several isolated times, I wouldn't believe it. I have a hard time believing it even though I have heard it. But Will, he says "mama". Clear as day, undeniably says "mama". That's it, we can probably go ahead and declare him a genius now.

But really, do babies even do this? I've never heard of a baby saying anything before at the earliest 9 months. Emily didn't even babble the Mm sound until probably 11 months or so. And what Will's doing, it isn't babbling, like say "mamamamamama" would be. It's a distinctive "Ma - Ma". And the look on his face, priceless. First he makes the movement with his lips with no sound, concentrating intensly. Then, he'll say "Ba-Ba", and you can see him thinking "nooo, not quite", then he tries a few more times before getting a distinct "Ma-Ma" and his face breaks into this wide, proud grin. So cute!

Will is also making steps toward sitting by himself. He can sit for a few seconds, hunched forward with his weight on his hands, until he gets excited or tries to reach for something, and he topples over, usually head first into the floor, where he proceeds to roll accross the room. Will is actually getting around quite well without actually crawling. He usually can get where he wants to go by pushing with his feet and dragging himself accross the floor with his elbows. He just doesn't seem as motivated to sit as he was to roll over, perhaps after he masters moving around by his own free will, he'll take the time out to learn to sit. Until then, I think he'll continue to compulsively roll over.

So it seems, all of a sudden it's time to start thinking about gates, locks, and things that keep babies safe. But as I look around the house, I think, is it even possible?

It's terrible, really. Cherios, water bottle caps, rubber bands, chunks of dirt, are all on the floor, pretty much constantly. I keep thinking of that commercial about the vaccum cleaner that "doesn't lose suction", as I run our vaccum cleaner over the same cherio ten times and it persists, taunting me on the floor, you know you'll have to bend over and pick me up, mwahahaha! And that's not even counting the stairs, cubbords, computer wires and toys that need to be baby-proofed.

A small part of me was hoping to put off baby-proofing until we move, but with Will so determined to get mobile, I can see we need to do something around here. I just have nightmares about our tall, tipsy, bookshelf with heavy things on it, like books. And our stairs, which have, you guessed it, thirteen steps exactly. Seriously, I'm not all that superstituous, but really, thirteen? As if stairs weren't dangerous enough?

But really, I'm sure Will will be fine. The house will be safe enough for the time being. (Realize that evan as I write this, Will is inching his way accross the floor to the rock Ian painted when he was small that we use as a doorstop. I just it was non-toxic paint...)