The Gravity of the Situation

Still no baby. I'm only about thirty seven weeks, so I suppose there shouldn't be a baby yet, but at this point every time my uterus contracts a little more intensly, or I get a couple contractions in a short amount of time, I think, 'Is this it?'. I can't imagine what it will actually be like when it is the real thing, even after all this time. I can't imagine walking into the birth center and staying there until the baby is born. I really can't imagine leaving the hospital with our little guy and bringing him home. Everytime we walk into the hospital, even if it's only for our birth class, I can't help but think that very soon we'll be walking in for real. Today I was at the hospital to check out a pager for Ian and I was able to see into one room. There was the little bassinet all ready to go with a blanket and everything, just waiting. Wow.

The Calm Before the Storm

It's now one month exactly until my due date. For months I thought I'd never reach this point, it was always some abstract time in the future, but now that the birth is impending I'm amazingly calm, yet also incredibly panicked. There are moments I feel like nothing is prepared, compelled to nest like some madwoman. Then there are other times I secure in the fact that I've kept this baby safe for the last eight months, and everything else he will need after birth will also be provided by me easily enough. Luckily I don't fear labor or pain, but after the time just flying by over the last few months, I think time has now actually stopped, and at this point the waiting is killing me.